Eat it! A first-timer’s experience with edibles

Edibles:

Dabble in edibles for the first time? Why not, I thought. A scorching July Saturday, 2010. Somehow I’d managed to turn twenty-seven, a veteran weed smoker and psilocybin experimenter, but had never ingested cannabis. My middle brother was interning at the Cloisters, was staying in my East Harlem apartment extra bedroom for a supremely rabid Medieval summer. His fellow intern friend Ben made a batch of brownies. He hailed from the Bay Area, wore aggressive neon, sideways hats, an atypical medievalist. My brother freshly twenty-one and deeply questioning his sexuality.

I learned quickly (well, approximately twenty-five minutes) after eating an entire brownie, the size of a cannabis-less brownie I would eat for taste alone, that I had taken too much–how do you dose these things, I wondered, as I wandered with my brother, my then-husband, and a gaggle of college age medievalists in training. Everything became a strange, murky but elevated adventure.

Lo, a farmer’s market, I thought, purchasing a large unwaxed gala apple that trembled in my hands with undulating appliness. And a park! My brain quickly catapulted to a child-space, and I began reciting the scientific names of trees that vibrated with secrets, soaring through the air on a park swing. The metal links made juicy music in the air. My legs became clouds.

At a certain point my underage fellow travelers grew paranoid, and my now ex-husband and I blissfully floated to an Ethiopian restaurant near Columbia, prodding our injera with newfound curiosity, commenting the shiro wat was vaguely yule-adjacent, which made us want to watch QVC and laugh uncontrollably at the Christmas in July acrylic knitwear and tchotchkes. We had absurd and intense sex for the last time. My dreams went rogue.

Another time I sampled a cookie that made my body coalesce into my sister in law’s couch to such an extent I thought I may in fact be made of upholstery and would only be able to talk like Happy Gilmore for the rest of my life. 

Thus my issue with homemade edibles has often been an issue with consistency and dosage. Sometimes I find myself buzzing with joy and bubbling intellectual curiosity, and other times I feel like I’m trapped in a canoe with squares coming out of my fingers unable to communicate my thoughts.

Edibles have in recent years become solidly doseable, in the form of gummies, chocolates, tinctures, and beverages. Not to mention have broken the barrier between counterculture and suburbanite squares. My mother, a Nixon stan who referred to marijuana as “devil’s lettuce” throughout my adolescence, tried a two milligram edible on a girl’s trip to Chicago. She said it almost felt like nothing, just a slight reverse-jolt into a more relaxing headspace. My father has begun taking them before parties to combat his social anxiety.

I think people often assume dispensaries are full of phallic Jerry Garcia-evoking blown glass and staffed by burnouts, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. My first time at a dispensary was in Los Angeles (this was pre-New York (cough) *official* legalization), and the knowledgeable and (importantly) professional shopkeep, with a warm smile, kindly explained the differences between varietals, fielding any and all questions without judgment.

Dispensaries can be elegant, they can be a boutique experience, and the employees are experts in their craft. Shelves brim with colorful packages of edible delights, each promising a unique journey into the world of cannabis. Looking for a THC-dominant, psychoactive full body high? The classics for those seeking the euphoric “high” that cannabis is famous for? From chewy gummies to decadent chocolates and even fizzy beverages, these products are designed for moments of celebration or relaxation. “Perfect for a night in or to spark creativity,” they say.

CBD-dominant edibles, on the other hand, provide a treasure trove of calm and clarity. These non-intoxicating treats, like soothing teas and wellness capsules, are beloved by those looking to ease anxiety, reduce pain, or unwind without the buzz. For stress-free days or restful nights, these are your allies.

For those who want a bit of both worlds, there’s the shelf of balanced THC-CBD edibles. “These strike the perfect harmony,” a shopkeeper might explain, holding up a box of infused caramels. “The mild psychoactive effects of THC pair beautifully with CBD’s relaxing properties—ideal for stress or chronic pain.

Full spectrum edibles harness the power of the whole plant, bursting with a medley of cannabinoids and terpene, while isolate based edibles are precision-crafted for those who want to know exactly what they’re getting—pure THC or CBD, nothing else. Sometimes simplicity is best.

A microdose, perhaps? 2 mg gummies are absolutely delightful for a walk in the park, or to calm yourself down in preparation for an annoying or uncomfortably stuffy wedding full of virtual strangers. I can even grade some low-stakes assignments microdosing, which I would never be able to do with higher-strength products, or products that deliver an unpredictable high.

Gone are the days of vague and unpredictable dosing

Hell, now Magnolia Bakery, a longtime mecca for basic sorority girls gallivanting in the big apple for the first time in attempt to live their best insipid Carrie Bradshaw fantasy, has collaborated with incredibles, a super-cool and innovative company known for recreating delicious family recipes originally designed to help their nona cope with chronic pain. They make it their purpose to (in service of homogeneity) “demarcate mg servings using a unique chocolate mold” to set an industry standard, becoming “dose transparency pioneers.” And honestly, while I do love red velvet stone cold sober, sometimes I want to embark upon an even more satiating endeavor? They also come in a Banana pudding-inspired flavor, and as we all know, consuming banana and chocolate simultaneously is one of life’s greatest gifts.

Love nerds ropes? Who doesn’t? With fondness for my adolescence, cutting devotional assemblies, church, and class to plucking individual nerds off their serpentine gelatinous membrane in empty parking lots, I now revel over buying them cannabis-infused.

I have also found myself loving cannasoda, a drinkable cannabis product that gets me through my fears of flying better than any amount of vodka.

Whether for relaxation, creativity, or wellness, there’s truly something for everyone, each bite a step into a carefully crafted experience, a gateway to a personalized experience, tailored to your mood, needs, and lifestyle. Whether it’s the relaxing promise of a CBD tea, the celebratory sparkle of a THC-infused soda, or the harmonious balance of a caramel blending the best of both worlds, every product tells a story.

Whether for relaxation, creativity, or wellness, there’s truly something for everyone, each bite a step into a carefully crafted experience, a gateway to a personalized experience, tailored to your mood, needs, and lifestyle. Whether it’s the relaxing promise of a CBD tea, the celebratory sparkle of a THC-infused soda, or the harmonious balance of a caramel blending the best of both worlds, every product tells a story.